8.4

In pursuit of coming up with a short story, HJPP turned to FICTWOR and WRIFICT notes and readings. She then decided that it can be an effective way of studying for the comprehensive exams, of the sort of hitting two or more birds with one stone. She liked the idea. After all, what better way to spend rainy, flood days than to write-study, right?

In coming up with character names, she consulted with her mom who knew a world about chakras, unity consciousness, enlightenment, colors, natural healing, semiotics, and other mystical things. Any girl raised in a kind of environment will grow up weird in a good way. HJPP's mom gave her a handbook on chakra healing and a bunch of PDFs, saying with a nice encouraging smile, "Do you remember the time we healed your chakras?"

HJPP replied, "Mommy, I just need character names. What's the color of loss and confusion?"

There was a ton of explanation. Information was too profound and vague for naive ears of hers. HJPP got the book and marveled at the section that explained semiotics and religion. It was unlike anything she's ever learned from school. The idea goes like this. There is a lot of difficulty talking about some concepts (i.e. power and powerlessness, loss and gain, and other opposites that create a pendulum effect) because of the limitations of language in the dual system. The Buddhists use the analogy of a finger pointing at the moon. The finger represents language, and the moon represents unity consciousness or enlightenment. We can approximate where the moon is by pointing at it with a finger, although we cannot really touch it. We can never touch the moon with our finger, but our finger can point the way.

The process of naming a character is hard. It's like naming a newborn baby. Trust that whatever name you give a baby will affect his or her entire life. Do you want a deeply contemplative, annoyingly calm, bitter baby?

While thinking of a name, her smartphone made a weird buzzing sound. She received a ginormously long letter from KHJ1. His language was careful and proper, and his formality was beautiful. Although serious, it was sincere. It had the marks of a wise, educated man.

Two middle paragraphs read with godly counsel and knowledge. The rest of the letter, however, was strewn with apologies. She felt that it sounded "too Jane Austen" for how most male characters sounded like--cold, emotionless, soft, sincere. It ended the way a good short story should end--powerfully, efficaciously. For fiction's sake, she then thought of immortalizing parts of his letter onto the short story she had begun to write that morning, beginning with the last-most paragraph: "I apologize again, HJPP, for avoiding you, and I realize that I cannot do that anymore. Please forgive me."

For all a lengthy letter was worth, HJPP had no clue how to write back. Even if a "Yup, you're forgiven" seemed a proper response, it wouldn't do the letter justice on emotional grounds. A few days ago, KHJ1 was the meanest, cruelest, evilest man on earth. He made her cry. When she fought back in retaliation, he cried. The letter, on the other hand, showed a lonely writer--and because of a soft spot for lonely people, she was inclined to making him feel better. If only he were beside her after the letter was read, she could have hugged him right away. Fiction, however, tells you that letters can be very deceiving. Think "Roman Fever."

If KHJ1 were a baby and apologized the way he did in the letter, then HJPP's heart would surely have melted. She would have held the baby close and rocked him gently until he falls asleep.

But KHJ1 is not a baby. He's a grown man, and he had done unthinkable things. Thus, forgiving would be hard to do. As yet, something about him or his personality makes forgiveness unconventionally easy. She should probably just give him a hug next week. :/